Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Something about Revision
To me revision is the process of making your ideas more apparent and clear. Mostly I revise during the drafting process, but sometimes, like in the case of this class, I will complete a whole separate revision process before turning my final draft in. The biggest part of my revision process is having my mom read my work. By having her read over my writing I get free editing and revision because she will let me know when something I have said doesn't quite make sense or the flow of my paper is off. Thank you Mommy! :)
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ReplyDeleteYour thesis seems to be not clearly shown. We discussed in class that the thesis should answer your research question and be located somewhere between the first and second paragraph. It wasn't till the conclusion that I grasped what your whole essay was about. With a bit of digging I can sort of get an idea of what your thesis might be but I think as a reader it is not clearly shown.
ReplyDeleteYour argumentation is very defined. You go about exploring the ideas that are given within Rettbergs book along with your other source Riddle as well as provide an explanation as to what you make of the quotes. You said that full texts are much harder to read through a computer screen and this is true but don't forget about the internet as well. When you are on the go, full physical texts are much better than online sources because you might not have an internet connection while your outside of home or school. An example of this would be on the bus or in your car.
Your analysis is also very well defined. After you provide your quotes from your sources, you then analyze it and further explain it to the readers.
Overall, I think your essay is very solid. One thing I don't like is that the thesis isn't clearly shown. I dont know maybe you know better about writing then I do but I like thesis' to be clear and concise. It just gives the readers an idea about what you might discuss within your essay and that is what I like.